a failure of sorts

[rone]

I almost got fired today.  I begged for my job back and i got it.  Now i'm on double-secret probation.  I don't know if i want to stay here anyway, because my boss is a cranky old fuck who denigrated my work.  My co-sysadmin has my back and i greatly appreciate it.

I feel humiliated because i begged for my job, because i felt i had to beg for it.  I busted my ass today working like i haven't in years.  My boss thinks "being on call" means "being no farther than five minutes from a computer".  He found my playing soccer and seeing friends for brunch in SF somehow indulgent and irresponsible.

I've had bouts all day where i suddenly scrunch up my face and rub my brow and eyes, like some primal part of me wants to cry but isn't connecting to all the necessary parts.  Until recently, my head was filled with garbage impulses about what to do next.  Right now, i'm only thinking about it so i can write this down.

My boss said that he thought my effort so far was negligible and that his workload wouldn't change if he fired me and replaced me with someone off the street.  I think i earned some of this with a less than assertive work ethic, but he better think again if he thinks i'm going to let him do that to me again.

Comments

PFFFT

[ottobeatriscuit.livejournal.com]

Bullshit. You need time for leisure. It makes you a grounded, sharper employee. Hell, everyone knows that. Hasn't the guy read anything in the last ten years?

Re: PFFFT

[sagespot.livejournal.com]

Exactly what I was going to say!

[nothings.livejournal.com]

Man, sorry to hear that. *Hugz*.

[internebbish.livejournal.com]

The crappy job karma seems to be making its rounds this week. Good luck. Oh and your boss is a tool.

[rimrunner.livejournal.com]

Dude. What the fuck. That's ridiculous.

[rbarclay.livejournal.com]

Isn't being on-call somehow defined in your employment contract? Back at $ISP it was "must not leave pager and mobile alone for over 30 minutes, must not leave them in no-reception areas for over 30 minutes, must be able to get to office in 30 minutes max.". And even if I did stretch the latter sometimes by visiting relatives 60 km away, it was an ok definition.

And if your boss thinks his workload wouldn't change if he fired you, it smells like he doesn't know about how to distribute and coordinate work.

[lusercop.livejournal.com]

what's defined and expected will often differ, because 95% of the time, it's a better response than that, and people then get irritated (even if you're within the terms of your contract) for the 5% where the response is not as good.

The over 30 minutes thing is all very well, but I hope that the compensation was worth it. (There are lots of things that I can see that stopping me doing)

[lusercop.livejournal.com]

This seems to me to be a question of value and worth. These days (now that I put almost all of my spare time into juggling), I value my spare time very highly. I almost always take a full hour lunch break (as it is in my contract, and in my case, under the European Working Time Directive), and I try not to stay too late as I go juggling 3 nights a week (during the weekdays). My bosses have tried to get us in at short notice at weekends, and let's just say that in general, the carrot has to be pretty large.

I've heard of various degrees of on-callness before. Most of them stop you drinking, which, must, by its nature have a value - it's something you enjoy and therefore your employer must compensate you for that (during the day, they compensate you for that in the course of your normal wages, by buying your time from you). For our on-call sysadmins, there is a company-owned laptop and 3G/GPRS data card, which might be something you could ask for for those times you're on-call, and then you can go to brunch, having the laptop in your bag (get them to get something small), and at worst, you can excuse yourself for 5 mins while you log in and see what the problem is.

Basically, though, you're not a failure - and it sounds like your boss doesn't understand the value you put on your free time, in which case, you have to make this clear to him, and isn't supplying you properly with the tools you need to do your job.

Good luck with it getting better - I'm sure that he'll realise the real value of a ronebofh soon enough!

[ltempt.livejournal.com]

(Or there is the option of drinking on call, and turning up to the machine room waving a bottle of scotch).

[ltempt.livejournal.com]

Utter bullshit from your employer. I'm on call most of the time; I have a 30 minute respond / 60 minute onsite agreement. That's fine; I can deal with that. I've also always got a secondary on call in case I can't respond to the call.

There are people in our organisation who are / have been on a higher level of call, where you are expected to stay with your computer at all times and travel with a laptop and GSM card for data connection. They get paid almost double for this inconvenience.

I'd say ... screw it. Look for a new job, get a new job and enjoy the cheery sense of role reversal when you resign. If your management thinks they can replace you instantly, let me try it when you find something else.

Any job that elicits feelings like "some primal part of me wants to cry" isn't worthing sticking around at. I find it bad enough that my job makes me want to hurt/kill/maim people on a daily basis.

[nixzusehen.livejournal.com]

time to start looking.

We may need more people over here soon. Send me a resume if you're interested and I'll see if there's a fit.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Thanks, but aren't you in Japan?

[sandollar17.livejournal.com]

:-/

[merde.livejournal.com]

it's definitely time to get out of there. find another job. working for a manager who doesn't value your skills is a miserable way to live, and working for a manager who doesn't respect the fact that you have a life outside of the office is even worse.

frankly, i think he was very unprofessional in the way he spoke to you, and if i were you, i'd be inclined to see my HR rep. it sounds to me like this guy has no actual training in management, nor does he have the personality for it. he'll demoralize all his employees, make the working environment unpleasant, and end up lowering productivity in the long run.

you probably shouldn't do it until you've already got something else lined up, but do have a chat with HR before you leave. it's a good thing for the company to know if a manager is being that much of an asshole; if they get additional complaints, he'll probably get fired himself.

commiseration and stuff. we should imbibe sometime. 2wanda too!

[2wanda.livejournal.com]

The company is a start up, and their HR rep is nothing but an admin with knowledge about benefits. Ron's boss has a track record, we found out through the geek grapevine, of being an asshole, and I don't think any amount of management training is going to help him. Basically, since there is no real HR in this company, he has no avenue for complaint. Damn start-ups.

Everything else you say here is what I said the moment I heard about this from Ron. The way this guy handled his dissatisfaction with Ron's performance was way out of line. He has said other things over the last two months that were similarly egregious. He's a dick, plain and simple. I don't even think Ron's friend who got him this job realized what a dick the guy is, but he sure does now. Too bad Ron didn't know that before he accepted the job.

I've encouraged him to start looking for another job now, even though he is working to try and remedy the situation at work. It will add extra stress on top of what is already going on, but I don't really want him working for this asshole for too much longer. I don't need my husband to be coming home every day all tied in knots because he has this sort of thing hanging over his head all the time. Fuck that!

[pvaneynd]

You remind me soo much of zoutke the last few months at her old job it is not funny. I told her to get out, any job that degrades you to that degree is not worth it. Her boss thought that talking like that would 'motivate' and 'encourage' her. As far as I can see she is now a lot happier without a job :-S.

Anyway, I'm only unofficially 'on-call' because if they would put it in writing I would make a lot more. So they call on the 'professional attitude' that is in the contract. As a "professional" I think that his requirement can only be met with having a GRPS/laptop combo or you getting payed 100% for the time oncall (as far as I understand this actually is the law over here).

Call his bluff, at least here IT is picking up again, let him replace you with another warm body and see how easy it is (hint: not). Go back as a contractor for N times the pay as a final insult.

[catbear.livejournal.com]

Lots of support here. We've all dealt with jackass bosses who treat people like machines and whack them with hammers to fix.

Sanest responses are to 1) start looking and take the next job that is a good fit, and 2) while you are looking, re-read your employment contract and job duties and make sure you fulfill them to the letter, but no more unless duly compensated. If your boss gives you crap in the meantime about things that aren't spelled out precisely, make him specify them so you know exactly what's expected. Even "professional behaviour" needs to be defined in terms of duties, accessibility and response time.

Starting a journal of communication with your boss is a good idea -- it won't save /your/ job, but when you leave provide it to HR and maybe the next guy that comes along will have an easier time of it.

If it's a small company and everyone in power are buddies and the HR hat is worn by someone just to satisfy state requirements, you're basically fucked. I've worked for places like that, too. Cover your ass, and get out while you're still sane.

[2wanda.livejournal.com]

Amen!

[twillis.livejournal.com]

Well, crap. I must say I don't like the idea of your boss abusing you like that. That's our job, dammit!

That's really ridiculous, on so many levels. You're allowed to have a private live. Your boss has no business making insults like that; he's supposed to act like an adult speaking to another adult. He sounds like a bit of a bully.

I notice our job board does have some computery-like openings in California. Not sure if they'd be your thing, or if they're even local to you, but let me know if you want me to submit an "eReferral" for you. This company is not perfect, but it does respect the fact that one has a private life (and regards it as something important for being an effective employee).

Grrrrrrrrrrr.

[opadit.livejournal.com]

I would echo what catbear says, and also that I sympathize because your story reminds me of the weekend that my boss called my cell and home phone because he thought I was up to shenanigans with his five-figure retirement fund deposit check. He also tried to bully me into staying to the end of June even though I've given him notice that I'm leaving after I complete the May billing.

I've had a few friends who are on call. It can be pretty soul-draining.

[hwrnmnbsol.livejournal.com]

That's the thing about bad bosses: sometimes bad things happen to them. Just out of the blue, a bad boss will be walking down the street, and then WHAMMO! a dumpster falls on the guy. Falls RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY, on top of him, foom, dead. Very sad.

Much sympathies -- for you, because you don't deserve this, and for him, because he's a bad boss, and sometimes bad things happen to those guys. I'm just sayin'.

[sambushell.livejournal.com]

That's right -- and bad bosses are why you should NEVER leave your fingerprints on dumpsters.

I have to say I'm encouraged

[vardissakheli.livejournal.com]

by all the people saying "you don't have to take that." My Big Imployer has always been pretty insular, but whereas before 1992 it insulated us from the harshness of the outside world now it insulates us from pretty much anything good. I've been lucky/unlucky enough to be in love with my work, have reasonable bosses and until last year a dogged fighter for a team leader, and dodge all the layoffs so far. I'm terrified by the idea that in the next year or so I'll need to start looking for a job for the first time in my life (and develop some saleable skills before doing it).

Re: I have to say I'm encouraged

[twillis.livejournal.com]

I've been laid off three times, and each time I wound up better off.

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

Ugh! God, what a horrible man. I hope you won't have to take this much longer, if at all.

[coldsleep.livejournal.com]

Luckily my bosses have been pretty supportive even when things are going sour...I don't envy you that.

But both you and I know that as a sysadmin, being oncall means that you drop stuff to get to a computer if there's a problem. Not that you're instantly available.

What did they do before, did they just have one guy and he was always available?

People are stupid.

Grrrr.

[erikred.livejournal.com]

Sounds a lot like your asshole boss has got authority/control issues.

How long is probation? What are your guarantees once you get off it? 'Cos if he can fire you with impunity, he is never going to be a pleasant person to work with.

Hang in there-- and start looking.

[mezdeathhead.livejournal.com]

That's really all crap. There's no feeling quite like the feeling that you need to prove yourself on a daily basis, without rest, all the while knowing that you're being seen as a slacker/good for nothing/whatever the hell.

I have a feeling that if you stay too long at this job(unless the dickhead mentioned above leaves), you're going to become considerably more grumpy about it all. If you do stay, don't let one guys opinion of you hold too much water.

[schwa242.livejournal.com]

There's nothing I can add here that hasn't already been said really. But don't take too much crap... it can have an adverse effect on your health, and few jobs are worth that.

[missionista.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear this. By all means start looking for a new job today. Really, don't do any more work for this loser. Send out resumes.

[kawgirl.livejournal.com]

Oh. That sux beans! Let me add my support. As everyone else has stated, that's BS. It makes me wonder how your boss can keep staff around. I would also echo others' recommendation to start looking now. It seems like a good plan to know what your options are at this time.

[2wanda.livejournal.com]

Thing is, apparently they have had trouble hanging onto people. The guy that hired Rodney (Ron's friend who got him this job) quit the day after Rodney started. I don't know how that made Rodney feel, but if it had been me, I would have taken that as a major red flag. Danger, danger, Will Robinson!

[dwenius.livejournal.com]

Not that you need more advice on the 30-somethingth post, but...

Flee. A boss who cares that little about your quality of life is a shitbag who deserves to fail.

One bright side: since you have no effect on his workload, then when you find new work, you get the joyous and enviable task of ending your "At Will" employment for this fucker with zero notice! :)

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Tempting, and i'm not even concerned about burning bridges, but i don't want to screw my co-sysadmin. We'll see how it all shakes out.

[arian1.livejournal.com]

Wow. That sucks. Damn man :( You need anything?