a failure of sorts

[rone]

I almost got fired today.  I begged for my job back and i got it.  Now i'm on double-secret probation.  I don't know if i want to stay here anyway, because my boss is a cranky old fuck who denigrated my work.  My co-sysadmin has my back and i greatly appreciate it.

I feel humiliated because i begged for my job, because i felt i had to beg for it.  I busted my ass today working like i haven't in years.  My boss thinks "being on call" means "being no farther than five minutes from a computer".  He found my playing soccer and seeing friends for brunch in SF somehow indulgent and irresponsible.

I've had bouts all day where i suddenly scrunch up my face and rub my brow and eyes, like some primal part of me wants to cry but isn't connecting to all the necessary parts.  Until recently, my head was filled with garbage impulses about what to do next.  Right now, i'm only thinking about it so i can write this down.

My boss said that he thought my effort so far was negligible and that his workload wouldn't change if he fired me and replaced me with someone off the street.  I think i earned some of this with a less than assertive work ethic, but he better think again if he thinks i'm going to let him do that to me again.

Comments

[matrushkaka.livejournal.com]

Well, that sucks mightily. I hope things work out okay for you.

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

Gak! What an awful thing to put up with. I'm sorry that you had to go through this.

It's not going to get any better, of course. And that you begged for your job tells your boss that he can push the envelope further. I echo sentiments about you getting a new job.

The job market is going well. At my company, we can't keep candidates on the line for more than a few weeks between resume submission and offers -- we keep getting rejected by candidates who have found jobs while we piddled. (I'm not counting my department because we're speshul -- my boss hates the hiring process and does everything he can to get out of doing it.)

There's something out there that will please you and not make you feel degraded. My God, Ron, when I read your post, I thought at first you were posting fiction. I hope that you feel like yourself soon. Take care.

[merovingian.livejournal.com]

That sucks, man.

Can you try for an internal transfer to work for a different boss?

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

It's a tiny company, so no.

The On Call Comp

[drieuxster.livejournal.com]

What exactly IS the on call compensation? Or is that a part of the very unspoken part of the contract that they are not sure they want to have formally clarified.

Some crews offer 'comp time' where one is WAY OFF THE CLOCK for having been 'on call'.

As for this with 'within 5 minutes of a computer' - get a laptop and a WiFi connection - and make sure that the VPN options are solid and one should be able to connect in from anywherer...

But yes, I think that spending time playing soccer and seeing friends for brunch is completely indulgent and irresponsible. Mostly because you have never invited me, and because you are soft on the Growing Terrorist Threat of Wal-Mart And the Like...

[omarius.livejournal.com]

More support from here. People who think it's their job to bully and disparage good employees to squeeze productivity out of them should be exiled to the 19th century where they belong.

I hope you find a remedy quickly and painlessly.

[glaucon.livejournal.com]

I feel ya. I got berated at work yesterday for staying a couple hours late Monday on my own (unbilled) time so that I could approve enough loans to meet an arbitrary and unrealistic quota which, if I don't meet, I also get berated about but which, in order to meet, I have to violate my own and my company's stated fair lending ethics standards.

the only thing that kept me from going completely bugfuck on the spot (and about a dozen other spots over the last couple months) was the fact that I've got a super secret (known only to me and LJ) plan to give notice in...um...17 days, and I've spent the last three months taking notes for the motherfucker of all exit interviews with HR.

*then* I'm going to be making a few calls to the fair lending practices hotline.

my recommendation is the same as everyone else's - get while the gettin's good. sometimes even flipping burgers can be a step up.

[tongodeon.livejournal.com]

To clarify: is he threatening to fire you solely because of your on-call inavailiability, or or he also objecting to lack of productivity in the office during work hours?

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

All of the above.

[tongodeon.livejournal.com]

I can empathize. For instance, right now I'm typing this rather than telling the guy I work with how to add crowds to the shot that's due on Friday. I slack way too much. Every day I assume that I'm going to get the talk that you got, but for some reason it never comes. Fortunately, I don't have to be "on call". Unfortuantely I'm working 12 hour days.

[eejitalmuppet.livejournal.com]

Regarding your boss, I belive the song goes "He's a wanker, he's a wanker..." What price him acting shocked and surprised if you give notice in a month or so?

And yeah, so long as there are other options in the job market, that sounds like a good reason to be looking for an exit. Good luck.

[captain-nesky.livejournal.com]

FUCK THAT FUCKING MOTHER FUCKER...he's jelous that he's not YOU!