entombed in the shrine of zeroes and ones

I'm so in love with myself, i've spent the afternoon digging through my own trash to find little verbal nuggets that still make me giggle:

That's part of the Internet's allure. Its invisible hand takes away by dissociating you from physical human interaction and rendering you just another voice in the dissonant miasma; thus, simultaneously, the invisible hand gives by becoming the ultimate equalizer. We are all equal in the eyes of our god. The Internet is communism, democracy, and anarchy rolled into an improbable, burning bundle.

Also, to expand on an old notion, a cynic is like a Twinkie: a toxic, unappealing, and impervious outer layer that surrounds a delicate and sweet heart.

I've thrown the best of the stuff i wrote on Usenet during my formative years onto my journal, all backdated.  You may access it via the tag below (only two pages' worth, all told).  Any "current music" is whatever was in my .signature at the time.

The Tower of Babel goes round and around and
the Lab'rinth of Minos goes up and goes downwards
We're locked in a maze and we're trapped in a tower —
confused words and bullheaded men are there with us

The minotaurs take the words and hold them closely,
they step and they twirl and they swirl and they dance, and
They rise through the maze, and they turn `round the tower,
escaping their prison, approaching their heaven

We remember Icarus, put away our wings,
and pull out our dancing shoes, get on the floor, and
We lurchingly, stumblingly follow the dancers,
their steps have become like Aryadne's thread to us

Pikachu!
I can see you
And i know what you do
So put your paws in the air
And wiggle-wag your tail
Don't fight until i signal
Pikachu! (HAW HAW HAW HAW) (HAW HAW HAW HAW)
Pikachu! (HAW HAW HAW HAW) (HAW HAW HAW HAW)
Pikachu!

That evil Team Rocket is trying to cheat
Their Pokémons are just too puny and weak
To pose you any challenge

Pikachu!
I know what you do
Turn those things to goo!
So put your paws in the air
And wiggle-wag your tail
Don't fight until i signal
Pikachu! (HAW HAW HAW HAW) (HAW HAW HAW HAW)
Pikachu! (HAW HAW HAW HAW) (HAW HAW HAW HAW)
Pikachu!

Your lightning strike is quite unstoppable
Your cute little noises are adorable
I'm really glad i caught you

(HAW HAW HAW HAW) Pikachu! (HAW HAW HAW HAW)
(HAW HAW HAW HAW) Pikachu! (HAW HAW HAW HAW)

The sun rises
I see the stripes
Red lashes on a slave's back
I see the stars
One for each conquest
I hear the flag
It says, "Kill."
And i do

And the flag is my shroud
And as i am lowered
Into the land of the freed
And the home of the dead
I hear the flag
Whispering to my children

"Tim, Johnny's gone!"

"Now, Johnny's probably still there...  he's probably just messed with his spin again."

"This is the third time this week!  Our son is a neutron!  He's not meant to be a photon or graviton or any other of those deviant bosons!"

"Emma, calm down...  you're right, he's taking this too far.  We'll take him to the doctor first thing in the morning."

"Well, i'm glad you brought him.  The shot i gave him has restored his normal spin.  But i'm afraid i have bad news..."

"What is it, doctor?"

"He's gotten mixed in with the wrong crowd...  one of his down quarks was replaced by an up quark.  I'm sorry, but your son will become a proton by morning."

Emma was near hysterics.  "My son will have an electrical charge??  Doctor, you must do something!!"

"You must understand... there's nothing that can be done.  Not with our limited facilities here... but..."

Tim perked up.  "Yes, doctor?  But?"

"If you make a petition to the Cloud Chamber, perhaps they can have him taken to the Accelerator Tube.  It is extremely risky, but there is a small chance he can be restored to his neutron state..."

"Yes!  Let's do it, Tim!  Thank you, doctor!"  Emma ran out with Tim.  The doctor stared balefully after them... could he tell them the stories of decay and dissipation that were the usual result of the energies of the Tube?  No!  He could not deny them their hope.  He looked at his charge, and patted him.  "Keep faith, son.  The Great Electron will protect you."

Mi madre me dijo
"Escúchame, hijo,
yo era una ñusta
firme y robusta.

No me preocupaba
de nada de nada,
hasta que llegó
tu padre, el huevón....

Y me violó
ese ijueputa conquistador
Y me dejó sola y abandonada
ese maldito chapetón."

Hirviendo en mi panza
mi sed de venganza
lo voy a encontrar
lo voy a matar

Mejor que se pierda
ese comemierda
Porque si lo hallo
Pa' siempre lo callo

Ese cabrón
merece mil muertes, un millón,
Voy a matar a mi padre,
a ese maldito chapetón.

reach up
touch the sky
and feel your hands
pricked by the stars
shredded by the crescent moon
incinerated by the sun

let go
turn around
walk home
your knuckles furrow the ground
the dirt strips away your flesh

come back tomorrow
and catch clouds
with your bony claws

[Fade into a non-descript office; various people are milling about.  MARVIN is typing at his desk.  MARGARET is fussing with papers.  The door opens and HELEN walks in.]

HELEN: Hey, folks.

MARVIN: [not looking up] Where the heck have _you_ been for the last two hours?

HELEN: I was getting my hair done.  Didn't you get my voicemail?

MARVIN: [looks up, leers] Yeah, but i didn't believe it; way i figure it, there's no helping your hair, and by the looks of things, it seems i'm right. [guffaws]

HELEN: [narrows eyes, sneers] You DARE!

[HELEN's eyes start to glow, and her hair suddenly turns into a writhing mass of hissing snakes.  She gazes at MARVIN, who obediently turns to stone.  HELEN looks around.]

HELEN: Anyone _else_ got any comments about my hair? [peers at MARGARET]

MARGARET: [averts her eyes] It's— it's lovely!  Wonderful!  I really should go there soon!

[HELEN snickers softly and walks towards her desk.  Scene blurs slightly.  Shot of product and name appear on screen.]

VOICEOVER: Gorgon hair products.  Available only at X Industries Hair and Brain Salons.

[Fade out.]

SAN FRANCISCO, Dec. 19 (TINC) —  William Barkley didn't know what breaking the law would cause him to become.

As he sped through the corporate campus of X Industries, a multinational technology/science conglomerate, his car was bathed in intense electromagnetic radiation, incinerating his body and reducing it to a fine ash.  A spokesman for X Industries shrugged and said, "The signs we have posted on the roadways are clear.  If you ignore them, you take your own life into your hands."  Barkley's family had intended to sue, but after a meeting with X Industries lawyers, they emerged with an extremely sunny disposition and ascribed the incident to "simple Darwinism in action."