a failure of sorts

[rone]

I almost got fired today.  I begged for my job back and i got it.  Now i'm on double-secret probation.  I don't know if i want to stay here anyway, because my boss is a cranky old fuck who denigrated my work.  My co-sysadmin has my back and i greatly appreciate it.

I feel humiliated because i begged for my job, because i felt i had to beg for it.  I busted my ass today working like i haven't in years.  My boss thinks "being on call" means "being no farther than five minutes from a computer".  He found my playing soccer and seeing friends for brunch in SF somehow indulgent and irresponsible.

I've had bouts all day where i suddenly scrunch up my face and rub my brow and eyes, like some primal part of me wants to cry but isn't connecting to all the necessary parts.  Until recently, my head was filled with garbage impulses about what to do next.  Right now, i'm only thinking about it so i can write this down.

My boss said that he thought my effort so far was negligible and that his workload wouldn't change if he fired me and replaced me with someone off the street.  I think i earned some of this with a less than assertive work ethic, but he better think again if he thinks i'm going to let him do that to me again.

Comments

[hwrnmnbsol.livejournal.com]

That's the thing about bad bosses: sometimes bad things happen to them. Just out of the blue, a bad boss will be walking down the street, and then WHAMMO! a dumpster falls on the guy. Falls RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY, on top of him, foom, dead. Very sad.

Much sympathies -- for you, because you don't deserve this, and for him, because he's a bad boss, and sometimes bad things happen to those guys. I'm just sayin'.

[sambushell.livejournal.com]

That's right -- and bad bosses are why you should NEVER leave your fingerprints on dumpsters.

Have you thought about forming a T-shirt company

[drieuxster.livejournal.com]

that clearly would be one of a series of 'rules for corporate survival'.