and so it ends

[rone]

Dear Ronny,

As a result of Adobe Systems Incorporated's acquisition of Macromedia, Inc., we regret to inform you that your employment will terminate because we simply don't have a clue as to how to integrate a company your size; therefore, we would rather move on with as few employees as possible to give each of them a vibrant new opportunity to work 70 hours a week, and thus give those of you we're laying off the chance to laugh at our ingenuousness.  I mean, ingenuity.

This is an actual quote:

There will be no bumping rights in connection with this reduction in force.

What the hell are "bumping rights"?

Comments

[doctroid.livejournal.com]

Typo, should be "bumping-off rights".

Good luck!

[wisn.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on your newfound freedom. Is Adobe expected to rehire after their layoff mania, or are you more inclined to new adventures?

[matrushkaka.livejournal.com]

Huh? Is this an actual layoff email?

[rbarclay.livejournal.com]

Forced recovery? Sucks, man.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Adobe can choke on my fuck.

[nixzusehen.livejournal.com]

I've only seen bumping in the context of unions, but basically it allows someone with more seniority to take the job of someone of lower seniority, if the senior person's job goes away and the junior person is in an equivalent or lower position.

sorry about the job.

[internebbish.livejournal.com]

I second matrushkaka's question - sort of. I assume the note isn't real but ... were you actually laid off? Please tell me no ... and mean it.

Thanks.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

It's actually a physical letter. The first part is an actual quote up to "employment will terminate".

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

Eeugh, god forbid they have someone talk to you. Jeez. Well, welcome to unemployedville. Population: us.

[eejitalmuppet.livejournal.com]

Ouch. How much notice did you get?

Good luck in hunting down some new prey.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

I have been laid off. But it's a relief, actually. I'm only marginally insulted.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Well, my boss's boss's boss did talk to me, and that was fine. But at no time have i spoken to someone from Adobe.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

The door will slam on my butt on Friday. However, i am being generously rewarded.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Yeah, someone else mentioned unions.

No worries, it's better this way.

[mrbalihai.livejournal.com]

I know you saw this coming, but it still sucks. I will go install the Flash blocker plugin for my browser, and deinstall all of my Adobe products now.

Fuckers.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

It seems that staying would've sucked more.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Cheers!

[dwell.livejournal.com]

holy stupidheads.

bt

[arian1.livejournal.com]

So, do I activate the sleeper cell and jihad?

[mdyesowitch.livejournal.com]

The looking for a new part bites, but the rest is probably good.

[stoat.livejournal.com]

it seems like you might prefer congratulations to condolences, so time to bust out the severance and PARTY. i'll donate the keg!

coming soon: MONTHS without PANTS (ask zac about this one)

when responsibility gets the best of you and you grudgingly have to go job-hunting, i will gladly shop you around if you provide me with the documentation to do so.

[dpk.livejournal.com]

Maybe bumping rights are when you get one last chance to boff the receptionist!

[erikred.livejournal.com]

I hope they gave you a kind handshake, and I encourage you to not bring firearms to the exit interview. Repeat, NOT.

That said, remember to pack your books, you know, the ones you bought yourself, *ahem* *ahem*, away along with whatever else you need when you leave.

I got a great chair (one tall enough for me) when I left Jeeves.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Et voilà (http://ennui.org/rone/resume.html).

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

I would never bring firearms to an exit interview. The noise would attract attention. But nobody ever hears the sound of blades slicing...