and so it ends

[rone]

Dear Ronny,

As a result of Adobe Systems Incorporated's acquisition of Macromedia, Inc., we regret to inform you that your employment will terminate because we simply don't have a clue as to how to integrate a company your size; therefore, we would rather move on with as few employees as possible to give each of them a vibrant new opportunity to work 70 hours a week, and thus give those of you we're laying off the chance to laugh at our ingenuousness.  I mean, ingenuity.

This is an actual quote:

There will be no bumping rights in connection with this reduction in force.

What the hell are "bumping rights"?

Comments

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Et voilà (http://ennui.org/rone/resume.html).

[anavolena.livejournal.com]

i particularly like the bit about "I am not currently seeking employment."

buena suerte on the job hunt, dood!

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Ha ha, so many things that need to change...

[internebbish.livejournal.com]

Lemme know when you change that (not looking thang) so I can forward the url to my recruiter too - if you want ...

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Just did. If you can recommend the recruiter without compunction, go for it.

[internebbish.livejournal.com]

I think he's solid but he'll probably try to get you some work at a bank or something. I just got off the phone with him. (There's got to be a better way to put that). Anyway, I'll send him your resume in a few.

[internebbish.livejournal.com]

Thou art submitted.