anger, misery / you'll suffer unto me

[rone]

I'm tired of being angry.

I'm angry because of how the whole soccer team thing fell out.  I'm angry because of this Bucaram bullshit.  I'm angry because our government is just about as shameful as Ecuador's — and i'm normally one who scoffs at bleeding-heart liberals who carry on about how 'ashamed' they are to be an American these days, but mother-FUCK!  Years of lies, obfuscations, misdirections, shamelessness, unaccountability, and manipulation from the democratically elected leaders of this country, the majority of which belong a political party that will not only not remove a clear and obvious criminal from their ranks (yes, Tom Cornholing DeLay, i'm talking about you), but actually aid and abet his immorality, all while the party in opposition is as ineffective as a sorority girl on GHB and the media watches the proceeding date rape like drunken frat brothers who think that maybe they should intervene, but damn, their bro is getting some action, maybe they oughta cheer him on!

Lastly, i'm angry at myself because i'm in a hell of a slump at work and in my creative efforts.  Anger used to sustain me in both, long ago, but i'm not young and single anymore (so did caffeine, i guess; no surprise there, i'm sure there's some connection).  Anger was what i turned to in college when i decided that being depressed wasn't good for me.  But i'm burned out.  I think that this is what i was trying to get at a few days ago.  I want to be at peace.  I want to not be angry anymore.  But how can i fucking help it when it feels that the world is truly conspiring against my inner peace?  Shutting myself out of the world is just security through obscurity, and i am not an island.

WE ARE ALL ONE PEOPLE, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES.  QUIT FUCKING AROUND.

Comments

[erikred.livejournal.com]

It's the shittiest feeling, walking around grinding your teeth all the time. I wish I could share some wisdom on how to shake it, but the best I manage is to supress it, and that cannot be good for my digestion.

[tarian.livejournal.com]

[rant ahoy!]
Yeah, I'm there. I do depression because I can't handle anger, in sort of the way that your average pussy teenager drinks wine coolers because he can't handle liquor.

I'm pissed off at my industry, the inheritors of the best and brightest the country had to offer; and they've turned all of that legacy into a Teat Machine, perpetuating unsolved problems because that's where the money is. Nothing like working out of desire to come up with a solution; "It's a paycheck" are the three words leading directly to the seventh circle of hell, as far as I'm concerned.

I'm depressed that the leader of the so-called Free World is an anencephalic chimpanzee, and apparently my country is happier that way. Not that there were candidates, mind; but the great howling void at the top has the jackals claiming the treasury in ways that are normally confined to the pages of cheap romance novels.

I'm even more depressed that, if history is anything to go by, this isn't even an aberration. Look at the present reorganization in Iraq; compare with the islamic revolution in Iran. Contrast further with the encouragement that the US has historically provided to totalitarian regimes in Argentina, Peru, Panama. In rough chronological order. Ten bucks says regardless of who gains power in Iraq during the current round of "free elections", we're back over there reorganizing things again within the next twenty years.

Hell, that's not very sporting. Make it ten years.

I'm some combination of edgily amused, irate, and lethargic over the irony associated with having dedicated my life to the twin concerns of attempting to prevent the human race from extincting itself, and attempting to propagate the species to other worlds; when to most observers, said human race is collectively bent on demonstrating why it deserves no such thing.

Mmm. Luckily, I'm enough of a mad scientist that I can lose myself in the process, and forget the monstrosity of a species for which I'm supposedly being a foster parent. Toys. Yay, toys.

[arian1.livejournal.com]

Soccer thing? What did I miss?

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Look two entries back.

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

I'm angry because of how the whole soccer team thing fell out. I'm angry because of this Bucaram bullshit. I'm angry because our government is just about as shameful as Ecuador's

Perhaps it's a lack of direction that angers you? Looking at the politics thing, I find it hard to compare a government that gets overthrown on a random and frequent basis with a government that has never been overthrown (where never starts with the ratification of the Constitution). Ditto the accusation of imperialists (by which I assume you mean the US and its cohorts) destroying Iraq with the implication that the US et al are no better than terrorists. And at the top of the whole list is the soccer debacle.

It seems like your anger is undifferentiated, like everything is an 11 and there are no gradations. I wonder if it's not that anger is so much a problem as that right now, it's overwhelming you and beating you soundly about the head and shoulders.

Text isn't a good medium for this conversation. I hope what I've written comes out in a loving manner. Cozy family time chit chat would be better. palecur and I would like to make a better effort to do that. Casual stuff, even just an hour at Harbucks would be lovely and (I hope) not a stressful consumption of time. Take care, Ron, you are very much loved.

[insert fart joke]

[lusercop.livejournal.com]

What do you count as "young" ooi? (OK, I'm probably (not-that-)old and single).

With respect to the politics, I'm finding myself feeling increasingly powerless. In the UK, we have a government doing very similar things. Tony Blair standing up and outright lying to Parliament, no credible opposition (and I certainly wouldn't aim further right than we already are).

I'm also worried that the last line of your rant is actually too true, that we are all one people, and that we are all acting in the same selfish ways, and all increasingly failing to get along...

Never mind Terminator Delay

[vardissakheli.livejournal.com]

This is the party that wasn't content to have appointed Mr. "So Corrupt He Lost His Senate Seat To A Dead Man" as the country's chief law enforcement officer and had to replace him with "Torture Guy."

[vspope.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine (Rick) is a recovering Republican, in that he's somewhat of a libertarian Randroid but abhors the religious wing of the party. We used to argue politics quite a bit back when we met in the late 90's; nowadays, he's come so far around that it's scary. I'm actually looking forward in a way to the grownups retaking control of the Republican party, just so that he and I can have reasonable grounds for disagreement again. But anyway.

I keep much closer tabs on politics and issues of the day than he does (viva la DSL), so when we're traveling together I tend to update him on the latest news and blog-chatter. On Saturday, we were discussing the Schiavo circus, DeLay, the Constitution Restoration Act being reintroduced, and a bunch of other timely topics when he turned to me and said "You know, it's not usually smart to try to depress the driver of a moving vehicle you're in into committing suicide."

Yeah.

Me? I'm just as tired. The election and its fallout sent me into an anxiety tailspin for a couple of months, and in some ways I'm still dragging myself out of that. It's tough to relax when EVERY FUCKING DAY there's something in the news that's nasty, and when large chunks of the future of the country depend on a fragile group of Senate Democrats hanging tough and the public not falling for the inevitable "obstructionist" smoke and mirrors next fall. The best news show on TV is a parody on Comedy Central. God's Own Party is inviting gay hookers into its press corps on one hand, and going on the Senate floor to denounce the judiciary and essentially say "Judges are unaccountable to the public, so that's why they're becoming targets of violence." WHAAAAAAA?

There are too many normal people left in this country for this shit to keep snowballing much longer. There have to be. If not, I need a passport or something.

For we're All-One or none! ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE!

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Looking at the politics thing, I find it hard to compare a government that gets overthrown on a random and frequent basis with a government that has never been overthrown (where never starts with the ratification of the Constitution).

There is no such comparison. Each event angers me purely on its own "merit".

Ditto the accusation of imperialists (by which I assume you mean the US and its cohorts) destroying Iraq with the implication that the US et al are no better than terrorists.

There is no such implication. Both imperialists and terrorists anger me purely on their own "merit".

It seems like your anger is undifferentiated, like everything is an 11 and there are no gradations. I wonder if it's not that anger is so much a problem as that right now, it's overwhelming you and beating you soundly about the head and shoulders.

That is precisely what i'm saying.

I need to see you guys soon, especially in light of the events you two survived last week.

[matrushkaka.livejournal.com]

I am angry at the general apathy in this country. I feel like I don't really have many people to talk to. Most people I encounter don't seem to want to be bothered with facts.

What bugs me the most is the feeling I have of "I don't like how things are BUT I don't know what to do to change them." I hate feeling impotent.

Don't shut yourself down. Try to direct your energies towards something that needs your attention and will provide positive results.

[twocrows.livejournal.com]

when I let myself stop and think about all this (the government lies, etc.) too hard, I get first angry, then increasingly depressed as my own impotence overwhelms me. It's frightening to me to contemplate, and has often left me feeling burned out and worthless.

On the other hand, this happens to me much less since I got a job where I feel like I'm doing something meaningful. As much as my job drives me crazy, I feel like it also feeds my soul somehow. I dunno, perhaps it's as much of an illusion as anyone's illusions, but spending my days with 12 year olds - trying to get around the "every, oops, no child left behind act" makes me feel like I'm striking some kind of blow for the "good guys". It sounds simplistic, and of course it's not so simple, but it helps me keep going.

I guess what I'm saying is look to something in your own life that you can make a difference to, so that the rest, though no less upsetting, doesn't take all you have.

does that make any sense?

[opadit.livejournal.com]

I don't mean this flippantly, but maybe you would consider going to a Green Party (http://www.gp.org/) meeting. Here in Pennsylvania, our Democrat options tend to be anti-choice (Casey) and pro-death-penalty (Governor Rendell and the current attorney general), so the Green Party tends to meet the needs of the Democrats who have been left behind by Democratic Party leaders who are trying to woo liberal Republicans away from the Religious Right Republicans.

[mrbalihai.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm tired and angry of you being tired of being angry.

Dammit.

As Johnny Rotten once repeated over and over again until I felt compelled to drive icepicks into my cochlea, "anger is an energy". Turn it to some productive purpose that makes a difference.

But if I ever see you in a protest march manipulating a giant puppet effigy of Uncle Sam, I *will* send Vito and Sonny around to break your kneecaps and burn your copy of Abbie Hoffman's "Steal This Book".

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

But if I ever see you in a protest march

NO NO WTO

manipulating a giant puppet effigy of Uncle Sam

I'm manipulating a giant effigy of Uncle Sam right now, if you know what i mean.

[tongodeon.livejournal.com]

a clear and obvious criminal

I'm aware that he's a dickwad, but what actual criminal acts has Mr. DeLay performed?

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

He violated campaign financing laws in Texas. No, he hasn't been convicted, if that's what you're angling for.

[tongodeon.livejournal.com]

No, this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_DeLay#Accusations_of_misconduct_in_Texas_fundraising) is exactly what I was angling for.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

They're a bit too Leftist for me, but i've kept them in mind before (and voted for Camejo for governor back when Gray Davis won).

[mrbalihai.livejournal.com]

[bender]
Ooooh, yeahhhh!
[/bender]

[glitter-ninja.livejournal.com]

Corniness alert!

Kansas is voting on some amendment to the state constitution which would outlaw gay marriages and, I think, common-law marriage as well. I wasn't even going to vote because there is no chance this amendment will fail. But then I literally remembered reading this post and though, well, I gotta at least cancel some ignorant redneck's vote out. Which I did.

So I came back to work and the other Dirty Liberal Girl (tm) I work for was apathetic about the whole thing. She said she wasn't going to vote because gays can just sign a power of attorney and/or will to their partners so what's the big deal? I argued a little but it wasn't stirring her up any. She's usually so vocal, too. I guess I can't blame her, you live in the middle of a "red state" or "Jesusland" or whatever you want to call it and it wears you down after a while.

[matrushkaka.livejournal.com]

It is a lot of work to stand up for what you believe in. If you're getting burned out, then take a little break to re-energize, and then come back. Nothing wrong with that. Even Atlas needed a break.

Good for you on voting.

[eagle]

Well, all the needs except actually standing a chance of putting someone in an influential national office. (Or even state-wide, really.)

Not that I have better ideas. At least the Green Party stopped letting themselves get screwed over by Ralph Nader (who, after the Shiavo fiasco, I have lost my last shred of remaining respect for, other than an acknowledgement that he did some good stuff in the past).

[merde.livejournal.com]

anger takes too much energy. i gave it up ages ago. it has been largely replaced by a sort of languid distaste for almost everything.

on the other hand, my way sucks all your motivation away and leaves you wanting to do nothing but sit at home avoiding the big bad world of constant disappointment.

[merde.livejournal.com]

...but are we also Pay-Go?

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about this some more and i can see that it can come off as an comparison. But as you say, the US has a much better track record, which in my view makes DeLay's shenanigans even less tolerable. Representatives have found themselves forced to resign for much less. So what's going on? Does DeLay really have that much juice? It's a mystery to me.

Rick Boucher of the Fightin' Ninth in Virginia

[mouseworks.livejournal.com]

He beat a Republican like a gong in all but two counties, sometimes by the same percentage points that his voters turned themselves out for Bush.

Fights the entertainment industry's stranglehold on intellectual property forever, fights to get wireless, retraining, and relief for the victims of International Capitalism, and has been doing it year in year out for 11 to 12 terms.

Quiet guy off in the corner of nowhere, not a complete good guy since some of the rehab money goes to industries who are cherry-picking their work forces and move on when someone else sells themselves cheaper.

And there's a Marxist recreational basketball team in Danville, Virginia.
Not Yankees who've moved there, but locals in a milltown.

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to start a political discussion (I meant to point out the lack of differentiation and how nuances are appearing difficult) and I'm not equipped to tell you anything about DeLay -- I have a hard time condemning specific politicians in more than superficial ways because I have a hard time seeing any of them as more than crooks. Some of them are more/less corrupt than others and some of them happen to accomplish/ruin more than others in spite/because of their corruption.

I can say that there may be a different between someone like DeLay and Lott. Both Republicans, Trent Lott was never likable and the Republicans felt stuck with him in much the same way as the Democrats feel about Boxer. Lott probably didn't mean the implications of his dumbass statement about Thurmond (to paraphrase from memory: if only he'd won the presidency back then, we wouldn't have all these troubles now), but the Repubs had been looking for a way to dump him (he knows where the proverbial bodies are buried so there needed to be a big media splash event to do him in) and he gave it to them.

DeLay may not be annoying his party members the way that Lott did.

That's the best I can do. I don't have a good explanation.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

I do think you have something there. The way Lott got dumped for saying something dumb but not something i'd call actionable (is that really a word? arggh) was sad. Maybe it's even a result of that that people are sticking by DeLay; after giving Lott up so quickly, they want to show their loyalty no matter what.

Politicians: are they vegetable or mineral?

[extempore.livejournal.com]

It was a multi-pronged assault that cured me of anger.

1) Realizing logically that anger only hurts the angry guy, then reminding myself repeatedly of this until my internal state reflected it.
2) Noticing that most of the things I get angry about are completely out of my control. Thus, apathy is equally effective at changing the world, and requires significantly less emotional effort.
3) As a corollary to 2, I started saving my "I care" for things within my control.

There were more prongs I think. Mostly, I just noticed that it was futile.

you are in a maze of twisty little passages all alike

[dr-strych9.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing you're far too gone for The Unitarian Jihad (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/04/08/DDG27BCFLG1.DTL) to be any help. So maybe a bit of the "you're not alone" thing will help. Consider the words of Billmon (http://billmon.org/archives/001771.html) when he explained why he came back to blogging again.

Comedy is a bitch, isn't it?

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

I'm headed that way. But it's a slow process.