one of the many reasons that we're glad that we moved

[rone]

[ronebofh, 2wanda, and elmuchacho are cleaning out the garage at their old house in order to hand over a clean garage with the rest of the clean house to the new tenants.  WAYNE, a douchebag neighbor who looks like Wilford Brimley with a shit-eating grin, walks across the street.]

WAYNE: Hey! How's it going?

RONE: Going all right.  We got tenants for the house, so we have to finish cleaning up the garage before they move in.

WAYNE: Tenants, huh? Good! Is it a white man?

RONE: What's that?

WAYNE: White man?

RONE: [pauses, somewhat incredulous, then smiles] No.

[WAYNE laughs and walks away.  Suddenly, his head explodes, Scanners-style.  RONE rubs his forehead.]

RONE: [sotto voce, to himself] Shoulda done that years ago.

Comments

It's so much easier

[notr.livejournal.com]

just letting the neighbors think WE'RE the douchebags.

[also-huey.livejournal.com]

I did that in reverse. I bought my house from lesbians, and everybody thought "Oh yay, a white guy". So when I leave cars on blocks in the driveway for years at a time and don't mow my lawn for an entire summer, I'm not just being a lazy-ass bastard, I'm making an important sociopolitical statement.

[haineux.livejournal.com]

Doesn't one capitalize Douchebag™ and put a trademark symbol after it when it's no longer an opinion but an admissible fact in court of law?

Actually, I think it is now acceptable to hold the guy down and tattoo DOUCHEBAG® on his forehead in that Olde English FancyScript.

[doctroid.livejournal.com]

Every time someone is a Douchebag™, they now have to pay licensing fees to Rick Santorum.

move reason

[(Anonymous)]

ayayayay mi muchachito hermoso! love U.
Good luck with the tenant!

[canetoad.livejournal.com]

Oh, why must you all hate on douche bags so?

[haloumi.livejournal.com]

Uhh, I'm trying to work out how much of that your neighbour actually said out loud in 2012.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Every word.

[ikkyu2.livejournal.com]

I know, right - those exploding heads get cortex on EVERYthing! I'd move a long way to get out of the spray radius of even one exploding head.