it's not the same

[rone]

Even though Kim's gone for a shorter period of time than i was in India, it feels completely different.  In India, i was a fish out of water, so my attitude was one of pure efficiency: take care of self, take care of work, tour if possible.  I missed home, but it wasn't something that depressed me.  But now i'm the one left at home, and i feel wholly adrift.  Going to work is perfunctory; i come home and i'm bereft.  I'm pathetic and it disgusts me.  And yet it's only for a couple of days more, so really, what the hell am i whining about?

Comments

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Heh. Although i'm very attached to the missus, i'm quite the loner, too. The idea of hanging out with friends without her is... weird. Hanging out with people online is enough social activity for me.

As i said elsewhere, i misplaced my brother's copy of McMaster Bujold's "The Hallowed Hunt" and since that was what i wanted to read next, i haven't really felt inclined to pick anything else up, with the exception of a couple of books which i read on the planes to and from India. And i just picked up a bunch of books from pobig, too. I'll have to find the damn book, or buy a copy and read it, just to get myself unstuck.

I find that i just can't do extended flamewars anymore. Too much negativity. Just eats me up.

[eagle]

Oh, well, in that case, yeah. Read. Or find some DVD collection that you were going to watch and never got around to. I'd probably find some video game to play that I bought a year ago and never opened.

I'd recommend good books I've read recently, but, well, that would mean recommending The Blue Place and Stay by Nicola Griffith, which are damn good books, particularly the second, but if read against a backdrop of loneliness might just leave you a sobbing wreck. So, y'know, still recommended if you feel like seriously wallowing, but possibly not the best approach to take. (Stay is the best book I've read this year, though, and possibly in the last few years.)

I think I used to be able to flame the crap out of someone and then walk away feeling righteous and not give it a second thought. I'm not sure; it's hard to remember that stuff accurately. If I did, I sure can't do it any more. At this point, engaging in flamewars about something that I actually care about is a quick rush of emotional righteousness followed by feeling exhausted, depressed, and angry at myself for days afterwards as I try to figure out how to extricate myself from the situation again.

Damn empathy shit really screws you up inside.

Buy a Leica camera

[mouseworks.livejournal.com]

Worked for me. The old screwmounts aren't that expensive. Call Tamarkin in NYC for what they have post-auction in III's.

More seriously, learn something to surprise Kim when she gets back. Or go shopping for something not that expensive but something you think she'd like.

My dad used to buy us little presents when he went to NYC on business. It's the reverse principle here -- and you can bore shop clerks in antique and used stores about her.