good, something else i can mark off on the ol' purity test

[rone]

Well, today was a momentuous occasion.  For the first time, i was practically accused of being a child molester.

We went to a jam party that my sister-in-law held, which, besides family members, was attended by musicians with whom she's played before (she's a professional blues sax player).  One of those guys brought his wife and little girl with him.  She, Kim, sandollar17, arian1, and i were in the pool playing throwing a ball around as her mother watched.  After we left the pool, i performed my usual child-entertainment routine, which involves acting goofy, making faces, and a little serious conversation.  She asked me to open up a plate of cookies that were tightly plastic-wrapped, so i did.  Later, i went into the jam room (which is not where the musicians were playing, ironically, as they had set up in the back patio), because even after all these years, i'd never been there.  After a minute, she followed me in, and we talked a little bit more.  Then her dad showed up and loudly insisted she go out to the kitchen with him.  Nonplussed, i stayed where i was and shrugged it off, until i heard him scolding her, "I told you not to fucking talk to strangers."

Man, wasn't i just complaining recently about people who curse in front of their kids?  And this jerkoff cursed AT his kid!  Wow!  I'm glad that i inspire such confidence in random people.  I go outside later and the little girl is crying her head off in her mom's arms as the dude is clearly still ranting about it.  So i tell Kim about it, and she says i should tell her sister, so i do.  She's surprised and maybe a little appalled.  It turns out she barely knows this guy, and has only played a couple of gigs with him.

Kim and i decide to get out of here, so while she's getting our stuff together, i put my stuff in the car, and i can see that they are leaving.  So i kinda stare at the dude as he opens the gate for his wife, but then he doesn't get in the truck with her (turns out he had to get his gear together).  I guess they just wanted to take her somewhere safe.  I go back into the house, and after a little while he comes in and fucking confronts me:

"What were you doing with my daughter in there?"

"Uh, i was in there and she followed me in.  We were talking."

"I'm gonna tell you man, if there's anything weird with her—"

Oh, man, i guess i saw it coming, but i didn't really think he was really gonna go there.  "Hey, what are you insinuating, man?"

"Look, i was just a little freaked out, okay?  But if anything weird happens to her, i'm gonna dust you."

I just gaped at him.  "Look, man, this is a family affair.  I'm S's brother-in-law, okay?  I guess we haven't been properly introduced."

"Yeah!  That's right!"  Like that's exactly his point or something.

I stick out my hand.  "My name's Ron.  Pleasure."  He kinda stares at me like grew another head and shakes, but says nothing.  Maybe it's dawning on him just how much of a fucking moron he's made of himself.  I press on, "What's your name?"  He mumbles it.  I tell him, "You know, what i really didn't like was that you cursed in front of your daughter."

"Well, yeah, i was a little freaked out."

"Yeah?  Well, next time, don't curse at her, curse at me, OK?"

He looks at me sideways and starts to turn away.  "Oh, you don't want that."

"Well, i don't think she wanted that, either."  He finished his walking-away move.

At this point, i've got the "i need an ass to kick" shakes going on.  I tell Kim, she insists i tell S, which i do.  She apologizes to us and condemns jerkoff boy's actions.  She mentions that he needs a couple of slugs of tequila before he can work up the courage to sing and play.

What kind of paranoid alcoholic fuck brings his little girl to a party full of strangers?  Where the fuck does he get off on scaring the fuck out of his own flesh and blood and throwing around serious accusations at people he's never fucking met?  (The kind that has a sticker on his rear truck window that says "BLANCO BASURA", obviously.)  If he was concerned about what could be happening, he shoulda come into the room and talked to me while keeping his little girl close to his side, and reminding her later, when i was WELL OUT OF FUCKING EARSHOT, ASSHOLE, that she shouldn't talk to strangers.  And threatening to "dust" me?  "Bad" rone still wishes i'd've gotten in his face about that.  But i played it all well.  I was a credit to my parents and a role model to the youngsters who, sadly, did not see my gracious performance under pressure.

Fuck, i had to have a session with my pillow to get the shakes out and i'm gonna have to go for another one now.  Makes me think of the bit in "The Dosadi Experiment" with the Wreave and the small animal.

Comments

[rimrunner.livejournal.com]

I just read Kim's account of what happened and left a comment there, but I'll repeat it here: that fucking sucks. Obviously. I'm pissed as hell that happened to you, and sorry too.

[matrushkaka.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. I commend you for being unbelievably calm and rational to this guy. You were the adult in this situation, and you handled yourself with class. He did not.

I'm sorry this had to happen, and I'm sorrier that the little girl has this complete jerk-off for a father.

[ratphooey.livejournal.com]

What matrushkaka said.

[boutell.livejournal.com]

Thank you for having the balls to call this guy on his asshole behavior. That's the scariest allegation ever.

[rdiamond.livejournal.com]

From the way he carried on, on wonder if CPS should be alerted about hist behavior around and toward his daughter, especially "after a few tequilas". Accusations like that don't originate in a vacuum (though I'm sure he's a few mmHg short of an atmosphere).

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Ha ha, i'll have to use that line.

Yes, we also speculated on the quality of his parenting. Maybe his wife will get tired of putting up with his drunken act and divorce his ass.

[taerowyn.livejournal.com]

Oh ye gods. The amount of sheer idiocy and assholery... A clear indication that some people just shouldn't breed. That poor child.

[mmcirvin.livejournal.com]

I probably would have been Mr. Conciliatory, which was probably more than he deserved.

[sandollar17.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD! I don't want to rant and continue to rekindle the flame of frustration, but wow. I saw the band packing up, my mom explained what happened, and I was SO appalled. GRR! People like mother fucker over there...

I'm so sorry, Ron, that this happened at out house. We want our FAMILY to always feel welcome at our house more than anyone else at ANY time, and I feel terrible that this happened. My mom feels awful, too. She wanted this to just be a really cool event for everyone.

[2wanda.livejournal.com]

We had a great time up till that point. We'll have more great times in the future. I think the shock and anger is wearing off now, and we feel a little better. Tell your mom that we love her and that we're ok now.

[hwrnmnbsol.livejournal.com]

You did great. I'd have acted and then thought. Obviously you were doing both at the same time. Well played.

Did he actually use the words 'dust you'? Does anybody talk like that outside of the movies? I'm kind of surprised he didn't also ask if you considered him to be a clown, and whether or not he amused you.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Yes, he literally said "dust you". I did have a slight urge to laugh at him at that point, but then it became, "OH, IT'S ON NOW, BITCH!" But i managed to put that down.

[allannah.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry Ron. Hard to shake off accusations like that I know. You did nothing wrong. Assholes are everywhere. I trust ya with my kid anytime. Bronwen loves the funny man. :)

[naomi-traveller.livejournal.com]

I just have to say, first impression-wise, when I met you at Meredith's birthday I thought: damn, nice guy! Kim is totally lucky.

You are one of the good guys.

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that happened. I want to say something more, but I'm rather slackjawed at the moment.

I love you.

[eejitalmuppet.livejournal.com]

Jeez. My sympathies. As others said, you handled it far better than I could have, so kudos to you.

[erikred.livejournal.com]

CrapcrapCRAP. What a fucking asshole!

In the words of Eddie Murphy quoting Richard Pryor on what to tell Bill Cosby if he ever called Eddie Murphy to complain about inappropriate languge:

"If he calls again, tell him to call me so _I_ can tell him to fuck off!"

[palecur.livejournal.com]

Goddamn. There are no fucking WORDS, man. I'm appalled.

gah.

[stoat.livejournal.com]

i don't know what to say, except what an awful experience to have had. you dealt with it way better than many i know would have.

[arian1.livejournal.com]

I still say you should have let me gut him on the spot.

[whipartist.livejournal.com]

Some fucktards just shouldn't be allowed to spawn.

[schwa242.livejournal.com]

Wow... what an ass. It's good that at least one person was able to be a grown-up in the unnecessary confrontation.

You rule the school

[skipernicus.livejournal.com]

Seriously, you handled that well.

They say people accuse they things they are guilty of - and well, he is a sort of child abuser - cursing at your children can be very much like beating them - his actions are going to erode the kids self esteem.

He justifies it as being a concerned parent - which he may well be. Maybe his extreme responses to his daughter are a reaction to exactly how helpless or inept he feels at doing the job of parenting - maybe he feels he can muscle his way through it.

To his credit, though, he did manage almost an apology in saying he was a little freaked out. I expect that in his neighborhood, that means "I know I'm overreacting". And "I'll dust you" more than likely means "I care about my kid, and I want you to know it despite my limited communication set and poor parenting skills - and while I'm on the subject, you're child entertainment act has enough charm that I, low-esteem dad, feel threatened that my child notices you." This guy needs to work some things out before he goes to jail for punching a clown or balloon animal maker.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

He did apologize to my sister-in-law after she ripped him a new one after we left.

I don't trust balloon animal makers, though, `cause the balloons look like dicks, and clowns are just scary. OMG SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN

[fanf]

Talking to strangers is good, not bad.

http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2005/06/talking_to_stra.html

There was a public information film in the UK featuring a boy and his cat, with the line "Charly says, always tell your mummy before you go off somewhere", which is much better advice than not talking to anyone. It's cool too, since the Prodigy sampled it :-)

[2wanda.livejournal.com]

Good article, and excellent point. Thanks!

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

The poor kid, with such a dumbass for a father. Ecch. Good job acting like a human being, though.

What a Fuckhead, as my former friends used to say

[mouseworks.livejournal.com]

Yow, but maybe his own family has history which would make him go ballistic over things that more normal families wouldn't worry about.

Still a nasty scene and much stupidity on his part.

OMFG

[tigresse.livejournal.com]

Ron, I'll repeat what I wrote in Kim's journal and add a point. My kids and I think you both RAWK! We've only met you once but the kids and I still talk about having met the two of you and how fun you both were. Not only do I question this person's parenting abilities in general but I question why he would put his daughter with "strangers" and walk away. No matter how you try, this whole thing was without any reason at all.

Remember, U have the fans, D00D!

WTF

[alphajager.livejournal.com]

Jeeze, this guy must have some serious issues. I don't know, maybe its has something to do with how he was raised, but theres really no excuse for how he behaved. Shit like that doesn't need to happen. Good for you for not kicking his retarded ass, though. That would have just made things worse.

However, making joke just within earshot would have been totally acceptable. Something like "Hey S, can you turn that fan on? It's a little 'dusty' in here. Lets blow some of that shit outside." or "Hey Kim, you know, that reminds me, we haven't dusted in a while. Maybe we can get that guy to help?"

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Nah, the jokes would've just been an invitation to more crap. We just needed to leave, and we did. I can joke about it now a little bit, but i wouldn't've said anything there because the only place that'll lead is violence.

[vampyrecat.livejournal.com]

What a horrible thing to experience! The way he yelled at her, she's probably going to accuse someone of molesting her at some point just to get that crazy asshole off her back. His extreme over-reaction and weirdness and death threat suggest that there might be something else going on. It seems unlikely, although possible, that a parent would act that crazy unless he had personal experience with molestation. Maybe he was molested, maybe a relative such as a sister, neice or nephew was molested. Maybe he's sexually fixated on children himself and therefore suspects everyone else of it. Maybe not. No matter what his problem is, something bad is likely to happen at some point.

[2wanda.livejournal.com]

I think that if his reaction was based on personal experience, he would have been following his daughter everywhere at this event, or he would have even possibly left when he found out that there were strangers about. No, I think his problem was that it suddenly dawned on him that he and his wife were both having such a good time drinking and socializing, and neither were paying attention to the child. And he panicked. Being under the influence to a few too many tequila shots, he overreacted.

A person who has been molested as a child would be more careful and probably would have not even brought their child to a jam session where they knew strangers and alcohol would be about. That's not to say that the girl wasn't completely safe at my sister's house. She was as safe as she could be. But the point I'm trying to make is that he didn't know that, and if he was really concerned about such a thing, he should have left her with a trusted baby sitter.