why do you fucknuts keep trying to bring back the fin de millénaire feel it is dead fucking stop it

[rone]

So Chris Jones brought this smug little tip list to my attention and, lo, did my gorge rise.  Find here my response:

1. The "cool" perks are being phased out
   If you're sucker enough to go to a start-up because of the "cool" perks, then i guess you're shallow enough to believe that phasing out flashy crap is a bad sign.
2. You stop trying to explain to your family and friends what your company does
   The assumption that your family and friends are "laymen" that need special translating skills is obscenely condescending.
3. The job description you were hired for no longer fits what you do
   Is that a bad thing?  Then maybe talk to your boss about it.  A good company reëvaluates a contributor's role whenever necessary.  Things change.  Are you adjusting?  Do you want to adjust?
4. You keep hearing "that's bullshit" in your head during the quarterly company pep talk
   Nothing special about start-ups in this regard.  And if your start-up has "quarterly pep talks", you're already in trouble.
5. You realize that your degree got you here, but you're not using it
   So fucking what?  There are tons of people in tech who have degrees that are unrelated to their job.  Many of them are happy with their work.  We already know that college doesn't do a good job at preparing you for the working world.  Stop deluding yourself.
6. Your angel investors become, well, demonic
   Finally, unreserved agreement.  I saw it happen at gBox 5 years ago.  I could not leave quickly enough.  VC can also be unwelcomely and destructively meddlesome (that was at Visible Path).
7. You increasingly compare your life to the movie Office Space
   If this is happening at a start-up, you're utterly fucked.
8. You increase your blog and web comic consumption, and your performance doesn't suffer
   Don't blame the start-up for your own suck-ass attitude.
9. Grad school – any grad school – suddenly sounds appealing
   It's not merely about being bored.  Maybe you've just had an epiphany about a change of direction.  Again, this is a personal thing, not a start-up thing.
10. The CEO defers going public for "another couple of years"
    Your company is massively fucked and you don't even know how bad it is.
11. You stop recommending friends for positions at the company
    Huge red flag, but again, not start-up specific.
12. Your job title is increasingly disproportionate to the amount of responsibility you have
    This is just a re-run of 3.  You might be fucked; you might simply be suffering from not having your voice heard.  Find out.
13. The company overpromises and underdelivers
    See 10.
14. Your move to full-time from contract keeps getting delayed
    See 10.
15. Your company is no longer a start-up
    Guess what, you nincompoop: successful businesses are run by grownups. Stop trying to chase the eternal perfect start-up so you can keep being an overpaid adolescent. You want career growth; start-ups want to become a real company, too, either on their own merits or by getting acquired by a real company. Making it to the next level doesn't mean you can't keep going to work on your scooter.

Comments

[also-huey.livejournal.com]

The more I hear about startup culture, the more I think that it sounds a lot like individual projects in big old-money companies, except with a little less stability, and a little more stock option value and foosball.

...and that's fine. I own my own foosball table, and I'm happy working for companies that I'm confident will continue to exist as going concerns a year or three from now.

...and if I want the thrill of an IPO gamble, I'll buy a fucking lottery ticket.

[blarglefiend.livejournal.com]

Also (apropos a thread elsewhere) you know it's time to tell the smug fuckheads to fuck off when you find they're using dumb CSS tricks to force a font size regardless of browser settings.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

The list headers are all images, too. The good news is that the author *and* designer are named for blame'n'shame.

[blarglefiend.livejournal.com]

Tried replying from my MUA, clearly not working.

Anyway. I decided to poke at it with one of my favourite toys (http://wave.webaim.org/report#/http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thebolditalic.com%2Fbicyclesquid%2Fstories%2F3063-you-know-it-s-time-to-leave-your-start-up-when-).

Those list heading things? Not headings. They have ALT text but it's not useful or meaningful. And they coded the navigation bits up top as heading elements when they should actually be a list styled to look however they need.

Bounced the URL to my boss, maybe we can use it as a sort of "how not to do it" example for clients...

[zornhau.livejournal.com]

"You increase your blog and web comic consumption, and your performance doesn't suffer"

Actually, I've been there in a fucked up startup. I was a techwriter and there simply wasn't enough actual work for me because projects weren't being properly completed for me to write up. (And yes, I tried all the proactive stuff, but everybody was running around with their hair on fire)

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Yeah, true, that can definitely go both ways, and i've been at the "tried all the proactive stuff, but everybody was running around with their hair on fire" state, too.

[zornhau.livejournal.com]

Sometimes the thing is the thing it is.

[mdyesowitch.livejournal.com]

I've never been able to tell most people what I do in any real detail. I work in high tech, and while some of my friends do, most don't; and I'm totally okay with that. Does anyone really tell other people what they do for a living? "I teach elementary school science," conveys enough information for most people to get by on. So does, "I write technical manuals and help for a software company." Neither tells people what we actually do. And if you tried to tell people what you actually do for your job, you'd probably bore them to tears or, depending on your job, make them want to crawl under a desk.

Re:

[ewx.livejournal.com]

"I promote shareholder value."

[waider.livejournal.com]

Personally, I leverage synergy.

(Actually SynergyKM)

[jwgh]

Oh, the 90s.

[haineux.livejournal.com]

There's something fun about having a steady paycheck, work to do if I'm not feeling innovative, and room to innovate, for when I am.

Today, I'm doing the engineer equivalent of cleaning out the fridge and pantry.

[catenoid.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've ever seen anyone mark the diäeresis in "reëvaluates" before. Bitchin'.

(I hadn't seen anyone mark the diäeresis in "diäeresis" either. I may need to go lie down.)

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

I picked it up from The New Yorker because i'm an elitist swine. Also i think you mean diæresis.

[ikkyu2.livejournal.com]

Whoa man, you buggin' like the Y2K computer glitch, wassup?

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Just tired of the new bubble, man, and these kids need to get off my goddamn lawn.