note to pretentious, naïve geeknerds

[rone]

When you write, "I am passionate about designing products that actively engage and delight end-users," i read, "I am a self-absorbed douchebag."  I don't say that i'm passionate about designing systems architectures that dynamically expand to meet the needs of the company's infrastructure.  You know why?  Because i'm not a self-absorbed douchebag and i sure as hell don't want to sound like one.

Comments

[mangosteen]

I read "This is what I was told I should write.", which in some ways is even worse.

[doctroid.livejournal.com]

Needless to say, they got the job.

[oldgrover.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of David Mitchell's rant on passion : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz2-49q6DOI

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

So what is the non-douchey way to say 'i get so involved in the code I'm writing that if I have a problem with it at the end of the day I can guarantee that I won't sleep'?

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

"I'm obsessive about my work and i have no life."

[palecur.livejournal.com]

"I will work extra hours for no additional pay, making me a great value-proposition for the company. At least until I burn out from self-imposed 80-hour weeks."

[en-ki.livejournal.com]

"Look at all these products I have completed."

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately the fact of life out here in the barren lands is that 90% of the work you do is either not visible to the outside world (internal company stuff) or failed projects (or in two projects encompassing 4 and 6 years of my working life, projects cancelled by Kodak because after years of under staffing and under funding, we got overtaken by tiny little companies that didn't hire 2 $6M vice presidents to oversee 8 programmers). Maybe it's different in Silicon Valley or where-ever you are.

[en-ki.livejournal.com]

I have a hard time believing one could be passionate about blah blah for long in that environment, but an easy time believing one would want to claim to be.

When I fled screaming from that environment into comfortable, underpaid but open academia, I talked about the kinds of stuff I worked on, even if it was invisible or unsuccessful or crappy (e.g., run web servers so bureaucrats can fill in forms), and about the kinds of stuff I would like to work on (e.g., run supercomputers to cure cancer).

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess I'm just weird then, because I get obsessive about the programs I'm working on. I even lost sleep over programming problems at Paychex, and I hated that place with every fibre of my being.

[en-ki.livejournal.com]

Masochism. Get a better job and hire someone to step on your balls.

[sweh.livejournal.com]

"solution oriented"

[dr-memory.livejournal.com]

"I am a recent college graduate."

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I've been like this for 30 years now. My obsessions are probably older than you are.

[dr-memory.livejournal.com]

Doubtful, unless your career started in elementary school. :)

[haineux.livejournal.com]

Ron's LJ, and in particular this thread, are full of cynicism.

To give you a straight answer, just for a moment:

In this specific case, "I love problem-solving and programming."

In general: Feel free to use buzzwords in resumes (total quality management, extreme programming). Those make it easier for the screener.

But do not use weaselly marketing-speak, especially if you are a programmer. Programmers always seem to think that they should write everything all fancy-like, but all that does is make things harder. Speak plainly. Omit Needless Words. You'll stand out.

edit, edit, edit

[drieuxster.livejournal.com]

I think the Dr Haineux has hammered it!

One needs the bleeting to get through the screeners, there should be a block for "buzz phrase bingo terms", something we could standardize on.

But the problem is how to write tersely in a way to get past the screeners!

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

I wish someone would brag about how they design products that get out of my way and let me get my job done.

[palecur.livejournal.com]

If the users aren't constantly noticing how pretty your interface is, then you didn't make it pretty enough!

[also-huey.livejournal.com]

"Whenever a programmer thinks, "Hey, skins, what a cool idea", their computer's speakers should create some sort of cock-shaped soundwave and plunge it repeatedly through their skulls."

I am fully in support of this proposed audio-cock technology.

[sweh.livejournal.com]

I read it as "pretty, but doesn't do the job required".

I create solutions that solves problems. They may look like crap (here, have a CSV file!) but they damn well work and get the job done... and my users ended up using my data rather than the pretty corporate solution, because my data is better targeted for their needs!

[ikkyu2.livejournal.com]

I'm passionate about designing and operating a fantasy football franchise that engages, delights, and exceeds the functionality expectations of end-users worldwide!

A self-absorbed douchebag would be a nifty item, sort of like the coffeepot in The Mote in God's Eye that never needed to be cleaned.

[waider.livejournal.com]

Lack of context in this quote notwithstanding, I generally read this sort of thing (and I read a lot of this sort of thing) as "This is the pabulum I need to spoonfeed the recruiting droids in order to get my CV in front of you. Pay no attention to it."

[kodi]

Well, sure, but when I write, "I am passionate about designing products that actively engage and delight end-users," I'm trying to communicate "I've watched so many self-absorbed douchebags get promoted past me, I figure there must be something to it."

[omnot.livejournal.com]

*makes notes*

So... how do I say "I'm not a self-absorbed douchebag and i sure as hell don't want to sound like one." while including all the keywords that the recruiters scan for?

Hmm. Should I put the trendy terms in a block at the top or the bottom of the cover page? Ought I bracket the block with disclaimer tags reading "obligatory marketing wanker words. Sensible people please ignore"?

Resume writing is so much fun.

[elibalin.livejournal.com]

"I am strongly committed to spending large quantities of other people's money on quixotic efforts which only make things worse."

IHNJH, IJLS

[notr.livejournal.com]

"Erlewankery knows no bounds."