i'm so wholesome you could cry

[rone]

I've managed to dodge the viral writing excuses many call "memes" for quite some time, but hannibaltaburss tagged me on that "25 things about you" thing and now he's going to get exactly what he asked for.

1. I've been a member of the Communist Party USA since 2001.
2. I have no sense of smell on alternate Tuesdays.
3. I took a semester off college to be a roadie for Julio Iglesias.
4. I underwent a radical mastectomy after i developed breasts when i was 14.
5. I'm developing an implant that will allow me to see people's vital statistics, much like that thing that the Saiyans had in Dragonball Z, except it projects directly into my optic nerve.
6. I stopped drinking tequila because after two shots, i would sound like Ethel Merman.
7. I believe in a God made of coherent light and the sound of sandpaper on lead crystal.
8. I believe it's not cannibalism if you make a curry.
9. When i was four, i stuck my foot inside a Hammond B-2; the resulting noise inspired the Hammond B-3, and the rest is history.
10. I don't want to reveal too much yet, but suffice it to say that the Devil and i are in the middle of negotiations.
11. I sold palecur my birthright for a bowl of lentils.
12. In 11th grade, i won a national mad science contest in Ecuador.
13. I've climbed the three tallest peaks in the world via astral projection.
14. My PhD thesis was centered around a study showing that getting a PhD makes you unemployable.
15. I have a permanent injunction that forbids me to speak Xhosa.
16. My wedding ceremony lasted five nights and cost me two fingers.
17. I attend the Mayaball Championship held every year in the Ball Court at Chichen Itza, even after they stopped the practice of sacrificing the losing team, because i'm not some whiny "purist".
18. I nearly drowned a few years ago after Larry Ellison's yacht launched torpedoes at mine and sank it.  Needless to say, he was drunk at the time.
19. I throw an aphasia party every First of August.
20. I have astigmatism in my third eye.
21. When i interview a candidate for work, i make them create a Dungeons & Dragons character.
22. I'm allergic to distilled water.
23. Pigs scream in terror when they see me because they know.  Oh, yes, they know.
24. I'm powered by an artificial singularity.
25. Regarding #10, we're finished, and i won again.  I am the Devil.