all he has to do is stay off the meth

[rone]

Thanks to theweaselking for the link.

DENVER (AP) -- One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."

[...]

"He is completely heterosexual," [the Rev. Tim] Ralph [of Larkspur] said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

"I pulled down my pants," added Ralph, "and waved my wanger at him, and he refused to suck it.  He even averted his eyes.  And you should have seen him at Hooters, ogling the waitresses.  I'm very proud of him."  Ralph then gazed wistfully at Haggard's buttocks, sighed and said, "I'm going to miss our time together."