best of rone's twitter, edited for your pleasure, or something

[rone]

Because i could not stop for death, i bought some to go.

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What the world needs is a first-person shooter version of Dig Dug.

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Working in the data center is like hanging out in Darth Vader's chest.

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When i die, i hope to have a funny look on my face.  When the rigor mortis sets in, people coming to my funeral will say, "Wow, Mom was right."

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You know the human race is a fucking failure when there's such a thing as a "blogging Lifetime Achievement Award".

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Yo mama's so ugly, she can't masturbate anymore `cause her clitoris got a restraining order against her.

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There is no 'i' in 'team', but there is an 'eat' and a 'me'.

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Consider, if you will, the potential of Dr. Phil/Jim Cramer erotica.

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Dear President Obama: stretching out a hand to Joe Lieberman should only happen when your arm fully extends as you backhand him across his Droopy face.

Thank you for reading.  Check back again in three years for more Twitturds.

Comments

[ratphooey.livejournal.com]

Some of those are very funny!

The only truly horrifying one involves Dr. Phil.

ENHANCE

[en-ki.livejournal.com]

A term I think is underutilized is "heading", which is like fisting, but using a bald man's head. Now consider, starting from the two of them, a heading 69.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Considering how often their heads are up their own asses, a heading 69 for them would hardly be a, uh, stretch.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

"You either get an erection, or you don't," pontificated Dr. Phil.

"MY COCK IS FINE!" bellowed Jim Cramer.

[epileptikitty.livejournal.com]

BUY MY COCK! MY COCK IS GOING TO THE MOON!

[rimrunner.livejournal.com]

Consider, if you will, the potential of Dr. Phil/Jim Cramer erotica.

YOU consider it. I'm going for the brain bleach.

[kodi]

Congratulations. Google now thinks you are the fifth most relevant source for discussion of "Twitturds."

[epileptikitty.livejournal.com]

Let's get "Twatters" up there too!

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Dear Anonymous Coward from Boston: maybe you should start giving that advice to your mom first.

I really liked the...

[drieuxster.livejournal.com]

The part about Darth Vader's Chest. I know that many of my friends have written tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of /fiction about how his manly male masculine chest must just heave with expectation and desire, and to think that you get to work there. Even if in your heart of hearts you want to be writing slash fiction about Dr. Phil and his Boy Toy Cramer, who was so totally ikky Yukky to go on the Jon Stewart show without Phil. I mean, what was anyone to think about Cramer after that show around moment, it's as if he had no respect for traditional family values and the sanctity of fanfic follies!!!

[epileptikitty.livejournal.com]

Do you periodically have to watch him on the 10-foot-high telescreen? Do you have to listen to his breathing?

What does he smell like?

[eejitalmuppet.livejournal.com]

Your final one had me thinking of Obama stretching out a hand and raising the middle digit . . .