Ok, so yes, there are reports that he was found unconscious. Which is in itself not actually note worthy. So why do you presume that even IF he is dead that this should limit him?
You are not one of those Shyrill Hysterical Angry Radical Extremists who wants to prevent Zombies and The Undead from holding Powerful Positions in Society simply because as an even Modern SeXular Humanists you have gravely limited understanding of the Divine Will!!!
Apparently, God may or may not be able to make a stone so heavy even he can't lift it, but he's utterly helpless against the outrageous surplus of unbroken hymens. MEN OF EARTH: DO YOUR DUTY. MARS^H^H^H^HHEAVEN NEEDS DICK.
Inept sexual partners, you say? That's for which the beer volcano and the stripper factory are there to make up.
Also, when you get 72 virgins, do you deflower them right away, or ration them out over the course of eternity?
you didn't really want to do that whole comedy thing, you really wanted to work on Actuarial Tables of Heavenly Virgins and the Divine Depletion Allowance...
More likely, God hedges on the promise and says he'll give you 72 virgins...eventually. That way they might never meet. And the etenrity you wait will make sex with an inept virgin that much better, especially since you can't jerk it in heaven or else the rain would white and goopy.
Isn't part of the appeal of having 72 virgins to have them all there in a gaggle fawning over you? I figure you have to have 72 of them, especially if they're male, coz inept lovers means lots of premature action. I figure it'd take at least 72 male virgins to last long enough....
Maybe the clouds in heaven are made of rubber sheets so that the rain doesn't get all white and goopy. Maybe they could hire the recently-descended-to-hell to clean up the goop.
Of course I'm glad I asked. This is a nice diversion from writing silly capstone projects. (:
As I finished that post, I think I figured out where virgin births come from-- someone broke the rules in heaven.
It's actually pretty easy to picture Purgatory as a cleanup-job in an all-booth LIVEN00DGIRLZ venue, especially considering that the one time I've been to such a place, everyone around me seemed vaguely damned for some reason, not least myself. (I was only damned to have some ambitious friends, both women, who wanted to know just waht sort of thing went on in there.) (They were not amused.)
You're right about the gaggle of virgins (erm, we need a better word than gaggle--- a blush* of virgins?) fawning all at once-- in fact, the ratio alone is enough to make one consider a reasonable exercise in martyrdom. Anyway, your male virgins will have a fast-recharge to make up for their rapid discharge, where as my female virgins will basically have to be there for me, because it'll be a short while before most of them figure out how to be there for themselves (or I for them, for that matter-- I won't be selfish in heaven, I promise, oh Lord!).
* Google says: bunch, choir, bevy, chorus, convent/monastery, band, passel (plus shitload, busload, truckload, assload &c.), and, though not intended as a group-name, a "reward of virgins."
I would really like to hear a coherent, non-singing-hymns or picketing argument put forth about why one cannot reconcile being a good Christian with enjoying science fiction. I have a few friends who do both quite capably.
Re: Looks like I can purge any American LJ friend who isn't cheering
I don't think there is a good argument, but most s.f. people don't believe in creationism, "Intelligent" Design, or in God making lesbians the safest of all his people from AIDS infection because he loves dykes.
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help us out here...
Ok, so yes, there are reports that he was found unconscious. Which is in itself not actually note worthy. So why do you presume that even IF he is dead that this should limit him?
You are not one of those Shyrill Hysterical Angry Radical Extremists who wants to prevent Zombies and The Undead from holding Powerful Positions in Society simply because as an even Modern SeXular Humanists you have gravely limited understanding of the Divine Will!!!
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please let Fred Phelps picket his funeral
PLEASE LET FRED PHELPS PICKET HIS FUNERAL
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WOW!!! Totally WOW!!!
Dude, you have such AWESOME MOJO!!!!
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...
Smartass answer #2:
Ahh, but now he has become more powerful than we ever imagined.
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Inept sexual partners, you say? That's for which the beer volcano and the stripper factory are there to make up.
Also, when you get 72 virgins, do you deflower them right away, or ration them out over the course of eternity?
you really wanted to be an accountant...
you didn't really want to do that whole comedy thing, you really wanted to work on Actuarial Tables of Heavenly Virgins and the Divine Depletion Allowance...
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More likely, God hedges on the promise and says he'll give you 72 virgins...eventually. That way they might never meet. And the etenrity you wait will make sex with an inept virgin that much better, especially since you can't jerk it in heaven or else the rain would white and goopy.
Still glad you asked?
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Maybe the clouds in heaven are made of rubber sheets so that the rain doesn't get all white and goopy. Maybe they could hire the recently-descended-to-hell to clean up the goop.
Of course I'm glad I asked. This is a nice diversion from writing silly capstone projects. (:
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It's actually pretty easy to picture Purgatory as a cleanup-job in an all-booth LIVEN00DGIRLZ venue, especially considering that the one time I've been to such a place, everyone around me seemed vaguely damned for some reason, not least myself. (I was only damned to have some ambitious friends, both women, who wanted to know just waht sort of thing went on in there.) (They were not amused.)
You're right about the gaggle of virgins (erm, we need a better word than gaggle--- a blush* of virgins?) fawning all at once-- in fact, the ratio alone is enough to make one consider a reasonable exercise in martyrdom. Anyway, your male virgins will have a fast-recharge to make up for their rapid discharge, where as my female virgins will basically have to be there for me, because it'll be a short while before most of them figure out how to be there for themselves (or I for them, for that matter-- I won't be selfish in heaven, I promise, oh Lord!).
* Google says: bunch, choir, bevy, chorus, convent/monastery, band, passel (plus shitload, busload, truckload, assload &c.), and, though not intended as a group-name, a "reward of virgins."
We have a theologian in our midst.
the image of robots assembling strip-bots on poles is dancing through my head. Bless you, sir/madam. Also, Beer Volcano is the best band name ever.
If you choose the "right away" option, God takes out an egg slicer.
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"HAHAHAHAHAHA GOD CALLED HIS CHOSEN WARRIOR OF LIGHT BACK HOME HAHAHAHAHAHA"
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and we know he was not, uh how???
No, seriously, the initial reports were that he was found unconscious.
Then mysteriously he died.
So this rules out any possibilities how???
Re: and we know he was not, uh how???
Re: and we know he was not, uh how???
Looks like I can purge any American LJ friend who isn't cheering
I remember him trying to sing hymns at a s.f. convention in Lynchburg, came in to show us how completely stupid his church was.
My real Christian kin thought Falwell was a jackass, too.
Re: Looks like I can purge any American LJ friend who isn't cheering
Re: Looks like I can purge any American LJ friend who isn't cheering
In Memoriam
(Anonymous) 2007-05-17 07:38 pm (UTC)(link)Thib ;-)