je souhaite que j'aie su parler français

[rone]

I'd like to filk The Police's "Hungry For You (j'aurais toujours faim de toi)" into "Hungry For Pork (j'aurais toujours faim de porc)", but my French is limited to "Je suis un tête de fromage," and "Allez la merde!" Of course, any francophones in the audience are welcome to run with it.