it's not the same

[rone]

Even though Kim's gone for a shorter period of time than i was in India, it feels completely different.  In India, i was a fish out of water, so my attitude was one of pure efficiency: take care of self, take care of work, tour if possible.  I missed home, but it wasn't something that depressed me.  But now i'm the one left at home, and i feel wholly adrift.  Going to work is perfunctory; i come home and i'm bereft.  I'm pathetic and it disgusts me.  And yet it's only for a couple of days more, so really, what the hell am i whining about?

Comments

[eagle]

Oh, well, in that case, yeah. Read. Or find some DVD collection that you were going to watch and never got around to. I'd probably find some video game to play that I bought a year ago and never opened.

I'd recommend good books I've read recently, but, well, that would mean recommending The Blue Place and Stay by Nicola Griffith, which are damn good books, particularly the second, but if read against a backdrop of loneliness might just leave you a sobbing wreck. So, y'know, still recommended if you feel like seriously wallowing, but possibly not the best approach to take. (Stay is the best book I've read this year, though, and possibly in the last few years.)

I think I used to be able to flame the crap out of someone and then walk away feeling righteous and not give it a second thought. I'm not sure; it's hard to remember that stuff accurately. If I did, I sure can't do it any more. At this point, engaging in flamewars about something that I actually care about is a quick rush of emotional righteousness followed by feeling exhausted, depressed, and angry at myself for days afterwards as I try to figure out how to extricate myself from the situation again.

Damn empathy shit really screws you up inside.