and so it ends

[rone]

Dear Ronny,

As a result of Adobe Systems Incorporated's acquisition of Macromedia, Inc., we regret to inform you that your employment will terminate because we simply don't have a clue as to how to integrate a company your size; therefore, we would rather move on with as few employees as possible to give each of them a vibrant new opportunity to work 70 hours a week, and thus give those of you we're laying off the chance to laugh at our ingenuousness.  I mean, ingenuity.

This is an actual quote:

There will be no bumping rights in connection with this reduction in force.

What the hell are "bumping rights"?

Comments

[2wanda.livejournal.com]

You better behave, missy!

[dinkey04.livejournal.com]

See, that was supposed to be more of a "grab your crotch, spit in your face" insult towards Adobe. I realize now, however, how dirty that might have looked. My deepest, sincerest apologies.
Still..
Adobe? I got your bumpin' rights RIGHT... HERE....! *grabs crotch, and spits in their collective faces*

[2wanda.livejournal.com]

You don't need to apologize, you silly. Just playing off the alternate interpretation for all it was worth. What good is LJ if not for that?

words, words, words...

[peglegpete.livejournal.com]

LJ! Huh!
What is it good for?
Misunderstood postings!
Say it again!

Also, I would like to go on the records as voting FOR crotch grabbing.