hang on to my ego

[rone]

I seem to think that everyone should be more like me in many ways.  People should definitely not be like me in that i'm a master procrastinator, or that i can be quickly irritated.  But i do seem to be in love with my attitude towards the world and my fellow man, and perhaps even with my rationalization skills, which i feel are well-developed and not cheap or shoddy.

I've come a far way from the uncertainty i felt about myself at a younger age, even as i realized the burgeoning ability and potential within me.  I think that a lot of it has come as i move away from extreme opinions; as a child i was (rather inexplicably) a rabid male chauvinist, as a teenager i was very patriotic and went to college under the impression i wanted to join the Air Force ROTC, as a collegian i engaged in frothy, militant atheism.  Everything was of dire importance and urgency.

Nowadays, i pride myself on my moderation, even though 'moderation' is clearly a matter of opinion.  I like to think things through, even though i sometimes lack the time (and, sadly, occasionally the inclination) to give the matter at hand a good enough shake to satisfy my own sense of proper research.  I fake things often; as a result, i've realized that i've become a rather competent faker.  I don't do it out of malice (well, maybe a teeny tiny bit), and i don't even think it's laziness; it's a matter of priorities.  Frankly, why should i devote hours of research into a topic that isn't either a hobby or a profession?

Ahh, but how many hours of research DO i devote to topics that are germane to my hobbies or my profession?  Not enough; remember, i'm a master procrastinator.  We're back to faking; i feel like i am faking my way through my job and my favorite pasttimes.  In my userinfo's bio, i say that i have a singular devotion, and even there i feel i could do better, although i am certain that being a husband is the one aspect where i do my best job.  And i suspect that this is the case only because it comes so naturally to me, and therefore the lion's share of credit should go to Kim.

Therefore, when i think people should be more like me, i'm probably trying to fake myself out.  And i think i'm succeeding.  BOW DOWN!  OBEY ME!  That is all.