ext_99479 ([identity profile] mouseworks.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] rone 2006-02-23 11:28 pm (UTC)

Visualize the scenes and describe them from your character's eyes.

Buy Chip Delany's About Writing.

Start with "The Stablemaster is inevitable detained," he said (while doing something) when I asked for.... (what else does he doe). Is he really whining? Sounds like grumping all the way to me. What does he look like (or have you described him earlier)? Cut the next paragraph down to "The thought of seeing Gialarci again made me uncomfortable.... and put him on something material for sleeping in the stable. What does Kohasadi do/say about this? I see him bending his neck and looking down his beak at his master, sort of a "why are you here?" look.


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